Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Mom's Iphone Contract with 13 year-old son




Dear Gregory
 
You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good and responsible 13-year-old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.
I love you madly and look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest? 2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad." Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.
xoxoxo,
Mom

80 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Nope. She deserves a kick in the ass for not trusting her son. He is 13 years old and she still feels the need to have access to his i-phone by knowing the password? Does she want to read his text-messages - if yes, this is definitely not okay.
      She still has to tell him what to do (not to post pics of his private parts, not to call other etc.) and what he is not allowed to do? Has she failed to teach him this manners until now?
      He has to hand in the phone every night? There is something called trust in your children....

      This is too much. Giving advice is alright, but having no faith in your children is not the right thing.

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    2. Obviously you do not have children OR you are child yourself. Until they can pay for their own phone, rules are rules..it's not about trusting, it's about respect!

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    3. Um, exactly....He's THIRTTEEN!!! enough said!

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    4. Yes. What Chrissy says. These are all sound and common-sense rules and thoughts. I'm imagining the 13-yo recipient of the gift and the rules was already very familiar with his mom's style, and didn't think any of these were wrong or over the top at all. And, Anonymous #1 above, he's THIRTEEN! Not 16 or 19 - it's not about his manners, it's about her responsibility to keep teaching him what will and does (and what will not and does not) work in the real world.

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    5. No, she doesn't...some points are good but other are just about controlling...having privacy applies to life, experimenting with your body applies to life...and buying a 500$ handy to a 13 yo boy is a horrible lesson, btw.

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    6. WONDERFUL! Was her son as intelligent as she believes? Did he accept the offer? ~*~ For those who believe a 13 yr. old needs "privacy" on a phone--you're wrong. If there's nothing untoward going on there's nothing to keep private. Children today are trying to become adults at 10 and don't want to accept the subsequent responsibilities. It is HER phone until he is old enough to contract and pay for it himself. SHE is solely responsible for what can be found on it in the future. ~*~ If she feels he's responsible and smart enough to have a phone I couldn't work with a 5 hour course of instruction, she has the obligation to maintain her parental control and guidance of him. GO MOM!! Good luck with trying to raise a polite, young man who can actually hold a conversation with a person face-to-face...it's a lost art with the current generation. They cannot function with adults or in adult situations because they're not required to learn how---it's so much easier to plop them in front of the TV, a video game, or an I-phone....speak no more...Again, I say~~GO, MOM!! (I had to list "anonymous" because I don't know what those other options are and it wouldn't let me name myself.)

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    7. Quite a list of rules and I highly doubt the boy will remember or adhere to them all but that's part of the maturing process. I understand Mom's desire to keep track of what her son is up to. It's instinctive to want to be involved, to protect, to guide. He's only 13 and can get into a lot of trouble with any bit of technology. All things considered, he is a fortunate young man to be given such a luxury. Is Mom being a bit controlling, I'd say so but also she's trying to teach her son to maintain a balance between the tekkie world and real one. An iphone is an awesome gift for anyone. No way in the world would my parents have bequeathed me such a thing under any circumstances at age 13 if such existed back then.

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    8. It seems to me that some on here have NO children or if they do they are the ones running wild and into all sorts of things. 13 years old is still a child they continue to learn past 18 of this I know very well. I paid for the service plan and the phones and I have full control if I choose to exercise this. May I remind you of the number of wackos in the world that lure children to all sorts of harm on texts and various sites. I'm sure she is not reading each and every text etc some common sense people. Parents that actually involve themselves in their kid's life and try to teach responsibility and respect are few and far between. So no in my opinion she is simply stating the benefits and the consequences that will happen. Kudos to her. Many other "parents" should take this as an example.

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    9. honestly she must be on crack no matter what. why even buy him an iphone just get him an ipod and put a messaging app on it.

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    10. Agree with anonymous at 1:34pm.

      Kids are growing up too quickly. Keep them young, let them use their imagination. And she is paying for it. He is only 13, I wouldn't want my kids password, but i agree with most of the rest. Talk to human beings, learn to communicate and enjoy face time over FB.

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  2. How DAMN good at the extremely difficult and none-more-important job of MOM this lady is not only impressed the hell out of me but moved me so much I am snivelling as I type . Honk. You and your son are clearly wonderful folks and deserve each other ! Bless you .

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  3. It's just a damned phone. Why make such a big deal of it?

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    1. I just watched a grown man bend over in his car to get his phone. In the interium a 14 year old girl was flying over the hood of his car. She is DEAD. It's just a phone. I was just rearended by a 21 year old at 70 miles an hour. after I came to a dead stop in a 30 MPH zone. Its just a phone! The grades of a good percentage of children in America have fallen to an all time low, its just a phone!

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    2. Wow you have done some things and seen some stuff. You just saw a whole bunch of scary phone stuffs :\ And got rearended too!! You are quite unlucky.

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    3. Sure it is just a phone yet he is not paying for the phone, the contract and overages.

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  4. I QUIT!!!!
    I'd rather mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money, etc....

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  5. that kid will grow up despising his mother and their relationship will suffer of her imprisoning her son with all the rules....just wait

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    1. You stupid. My mom was strict like this, and I'm 34 now and appreciate it so much more than I did as a kid. I have 2 degrees, don't do drugs, smoke, or drink, and have a son of my own now. I wasn't pregnant at 16, or married and divorced by 20. I know my mom loved me enough to take care of me until I could take care of myself, and she gave me the tools to do so.

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    2. You and the thousands of others like you is the reason why this MOM had to do this. I agree with her absolutely. We as parents are responsible for what our children grow up to be. And at 13 the best and worst are yet to be. He may know his MOM's style but until he pays his own way and yes that includes buying the phone paying the monthly bill and any overages it is still her phone and he should respect her rules.

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    3. This mother has faith in her son yet understands he is learning and growing and is bound to make mistakes. I also had my parents make me follow their rules. Like this mother, they always explained the reasons for their rules and the consequences for not following them. My parents allowed me my privacy yet had access to any of my things/information. I had nothing to hide from them in any case. I am now 32 yrs old and I have always been treated as a responsible person by my parents. Its called trust from both the parents and children towards each other. I will definitely have the same rules for my kids when they are old enough for cellphones and more.

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    4. Wow you really are clueless. Please go mow your lawn babysit etc and get a life. You are owed NOTHING. If you have a generous gift with rules accept the rules or don't accept the gift. Obviously life has not yet kicked you in the teeth and unless your a Du Pont baby it will. Good luck with that.

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    5. Despise his mother? For what? For showing him that there are boundaries, and life is to be lived, not taken advantage of? I am willing to bet that you are your child's best friend. Yeah, that is going to get that child nowhere really quick. Jesus people, wake up! The reason children are growing up too soon, and acting like entitled little brats is because their parents let them have/do whatever they wish! I have a 22 year old, a 20 year old and an 18 year old. My oldest is having his first child, with his WIFE in February, the middle child has not even dated yet, she is not ready for that, and the youngest is still in school and working since he was 16. These are just small snapshots of who my children are, but they are the people they are, responsible young adults because I have always taken care of them, protected them from harm, let them make mistakes after telling them it was a mistake, and have always, without fail, been their mother, not their friend. I did not raise brats to let loose on the world. This mother is absolutely awesome, and you who are complaining act as if this came out of left field for this kid. Obviously she has been his mother for 13 years, he knows his boundaries, and what is expected of him.

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  6. This mom is obnoxious woman with psycho problems and control freak. She should keep that shitty "hot damn" iphone for herself. She is not normal. Poor son. I feel sorry for him.

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    1. Me too... It's a present, she's acting like a freaking lone shark.. Have some trust in your kid...

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    2. I say Kudos to this mom....She is teaching her son responsibility. I guess you're one of the people who belive just because you hit delete on a txt message or send a photo to the trash bin that it is gone forever....Wrong...It is and will always be stored on that phones internal memory....Every text, photo you send and receive and then decide to delete...Still there for any computer/phone expert to pull right off.....

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    3. u don't know how internal phone memories work... right?

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    4. I feel sorry for any of your kids. You don't want to be seen as a "control-freak" by them. Since when do the children dictate how the parents should rear them? At 13 most children are learning right from wrong and what is ok and not ok. Peer pressure is hard for kids to overcome no matter how "good" the kid is. There many things that are out of our control... for example we can't stop somebody from taking inappropriate pictures and then disseminating them. I am glad you were a well-rounded grown up when you were 13 yrs old but the majority of 13 yrs olds are not. They are learning and need guidelines and rules to do so.

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  7. First of all : No 13 year old kid should have an iPhone.
    Second of all : To all you people who think this Mom is out of line and controlling : Do you have kids? Didn't think so. Children need rules and regulations, and 9 times out of 10, children who are raised with rules and regulations respect their parents a hell of a lot more than the kids whose parents let them do whatever they want.

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    1. Yes, I have kids. A 15 year old daughter. She got rules and regulations and respect us. She is well mannered and knows how to act in public.
      She had an iPhone at the age of 13. I didn't (and still do not) know the password as I would never even think of reading her text-messages or snoop around in her photo-files. And she did not get a long list of rules and regulations with it as she never needed this.
      Because we trust her.
      Believe in her.

      This Mom is out of line and controlling. If he does not know how to act responsible and respectful until now, she failed.

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    2. You are so right! Part of what's wrong today is that parents don't give their children rules. My girls are grown and are respectful adults. My 3 step-children are quite the opposite. They are constantly on their phones. I told my now 14 year old step-daughter that if she lived with us I would take her phone at meals and at night. She thought I was the meanest person...ever! LOL!

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    3. to the Mom of the 15 year old....there was never a fool such as the blinded fool.....You can trust your children all you want but they will still falter. No child is perfect.

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    4. Kids are kids - they will forget stuff, they need info repeated. And the world is changing. New dangers can crop up. All she did was put it in writing instead of just being spoken rules. I'm sure this kid already does know how to be responsible and respectful; however, he is getting a new "toy". It will be distracting. It will be tempting. He will find out things to do with it that he didn't even know about. He's still a kid, and even good kids continue to need guidance; you don't just throw the out in the world at 13 and expect they're going to do everything perfectly.

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    5. "to the Mom of the 15 year old....there was never a fool such as the blinded fool.....You can trust your children all you want but they will still falter. No child is perfect."

      Are adults perfect? Don't they falter? Are they more responsible for their actions like kids? Do you think she needs to control her husband's phone, too?

      Yes, the kids might falter. But why think negative and believe this will definitely happen? Why not trust your kids....they will pay back.

      The mother of the 15 year old is right if she trusts her girl. She knows which rules she taught her daughter and if she would not trust her daughter now, it is her own failure.

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  8. Good mom. Good parent. I agree that a 13 year shouldn't have an Iphone. Of course,I don't think a 13 year should have a phone period. Kids don't know their limits. Those limits have to be set by responsible adults. She isn't really asking too much, just for him to be responsible and respectful. Those who think that's asking too much...well, you're either 13 yourself, have no kids, or need to take a parenting class where you learn about child psychology.

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    1. I am not 13 but 44, I am a teacher and a mother of a 15 year old girl....still I say this is controlling.
      It is not too much to ask your kid to be responsible and respectful, this is totally alright with me. But if her boy is not responsible and respectful until now, she failed. A 13 year old should know how to behave. And she should trust him and believe in him instead of telling him over and over again how to behave. She spoils this present by telling him that it is still hers and that SHE still knows the password, that she can take it away from him if he does not behave.

      And sorry, but it is totally bullshit to say that a 13 year old should have no phone at all. Those without a phone are outsiders in their classes, groups whatever. If you as a parent use a phone, but you say it is not good for a 13 year old...how can you make that credible? It is as if you would tell a child that television is bad, but you watch TV...or internet is bad and you use it. When is a child old enough in your opinion? Where is the difference between a 13 year old and a 16 year old if they never had the chance to show that they are indeed responsible and respectful enough to use a phone?
      And a phone for teens at that age has a big advantage: if they come home late from a friend, school or wherever they roam they can call you up and tell you about it. Or do you think a 13 year old has to stay at home all the time because he/she is not old enough to meet with friends in the afternoon??

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    2. I am happy that you were not my child's teacher. Since when does a teacher stereotype kids into grous instead of encouraging them to be individuals? So what you;re saying is that if Sally and 2 of her friends get pregnant at 16 , Betty Lou, unless she gets pregnant also is an outsider in her group....Lady you have some issues and Damn for sure don not sound like a teacher to me....

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    3. Did I say that a teacher is responsible for the groups? Did I say I think they are a good thing?? Apparently you do not know that kids form group together.....it is called peer-group, ever heard of it?

      We teachers encourage them to be individuals, hopefully parents do the same but peer-groups form without our contribution. It is not the fault of the teacher or the parents if the kids are in a peer-goup that takes the wrong turn....you can only hope especially as a parent that your child has the right friends/peer-group. Or that you have given your child the spine to say no although it might feel left out.
      Pregnancy vs cell-phones is like comparing apple and pears...it is something different. But although your example sounds strange, believe me, this happens. Every child has a different trigger when it comes to the feeling of being left out of a group: clothes, cell-phones, smoking, drugs. NO, I DON'T SAY THAT THIS IS RIGHT.....and I do not support this. They are individuals and I encourage them to be so - as a teacher and as a mother.
      As a teacher my hands are bound if parents do not give their kids the spine to stand up for their own and say no to the pressure of a peer-group.
      The only thing I can do as a mother is to give my daughter enough self-confidence and courage to stand up against peer-group pressure, to act as an individual. She can only act as an individual if I raise her as an individual and show her that I trust her in this. And I can give her the feeling that whatever she does, she can come back to me and ask for help.

      Yes, I am a teacher and no one ever complained about me....on the contrary. I worked with very problematic children, which grouped over nationalities (Russians/Turks/Yugoslavians/Germans), children which had no great expectations in life as they weren't good at school and came from very difficult social backgrounds. Seeing them as individuals and encouraging them was prior to everything else.
      Apparently I do it right....I don't have some issues, you simply did not understand what I was talking about.

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  9. i agree with her 100%, my niece has a cell and she regularly ignores EVERYONE in the room when she is on it. so YES this mom is real, and furthermore if MORE parents did this, i think we would have a BETTER society NOT one driven by APPS & people on the cell WHILE driving.

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    1. It's not the freaking cell's fault that your niece has a lack of manners..

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  10. I am a parent, and I think # 13, #15, and #16 are BS. I would tell my kids to take as many pics and vids as they can. I wish I had tons of pics from my youth! #15 - listen to whatever music you want! #16 - same thing - play what you want. Other than those three, I'm ok with the rest.

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    1. She is trying to teach her child to create his own identity when she encourages him to download other music than what all his friends are listening to. Trying to broaden his horizons....My son is 20 years old and I did the same with him as he was growing up. I encouraged to listen to all types of genres of music and listen to what he liked not what his friends were listening to just because they were his friends. I am happy to say that my son has come to appreciate a mix of music. He knows that he doesn't have to listen to music just because his friends thinks it is good music. He has learned to form his own opinions of what he likes and respects the music his friends like.And with the pictures she is trying to teach him he does not have to take 50 million duck face or mirror images as so many kids do these days....Facebook is splattered with all kinds of pics that one day these kids are going to regret......

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  11. Can anybody guess how many people that have posted here will have children that are a drain on society? How many people will raise children that will only barely exist in life without others donating their assets to them? This mother did NOTHING wrong and should be commended for being a parent that is interested in raising a child that will not be a drain on public assets. Imagine having the nerve to expect your child to be respectful of others, to be respectful of themselves, to be accountable for their actions and to make reparations when necessary. What a horrible person!!!!!!!!!!!! While I am not personally a fan of children having these phones maybe she is on the right path. Maybe this kid will be able to make a quick stop at Wally World without that stupid thing stuck to his head!!

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  12. I agree with this mom...for the most part. But...I would NEVER get an iPhone for a 13 year old! That is $5oo wasted. A phone for a 13 year old, yes. Taken to school, yes. Normal pictures, yes. Internet, yes. But ANY android phone has that capability and then some. Give him an iPhone when he turns 18 or 21. If you have that kind of money to throw away, PLEASE feel free to get ME an iPhone and I will sign your contract because I am an ADULT that KNOWS the value of that kind of money!!

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    1. How did you learn to value that kind of money? I don't think that came out of the blue...you had to own something valuable....

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  13. The people that disagree with what this mother is doing clearly either don't have children, or don't care enough about them. This woman is teaching her son, rules, respect, right from wrong, the value of money for when he loses or damages it. She is making the phone a privilege and an accessory, not a way of life. This mother wants her child to grow up and be able to socialize without having to hide behind a keyboard. Good for her. People should be taking notes on her parenting technique not criticizing her.

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  14. There is NOTHING wrong with any of her conditions or terms....for those that say its just a phone watch the news...how much grief and devastation has been caused by "kids just texting" or "kids sending pictures"...we lost a beautiful, talented and kind 17 year old girl in our city 2 weeks ago- she was raped by 4 boys at a house party and they emailed the pictures of it to all their friends (none of their faces were showing, just hers along with her name). The pictures were passed along from cell phone to cell phone. She was then labelled a slut and a whore for the next 2 years until she couldn't take it anymore and hung herself....all because 4 boys parents didn't have the time or inclination to raise half decent, moral children who knew right from wrong and how to treat others with respect....but they did apparently have time to give them cell phones.....I tell my children that if I didn't love them I'd let them do anything they wanted- it would be a lot easier than arguing with them and having them resent and yes, hate, me sometimes....but I love my children and thus they need to be led by example and taught these lessons...it is my responsiblitiy as their Mom to make sure they know that every action has consequences.....

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    1. No, number 2, number 4 and number 5 are not alright at all.
      2: Why does she have to know the password? Doesn't she trust him? Doesn't she know that everyone has a right to have something for his own? Does she want to read his texts or see his pictures? If so...she does not trust him. And if a mother reads the texts of her child without his/her knowledge it is a severe case of betrayal.
      4: Why hand out the phone over night? Does she trust him or not? If she trusts him she knows that he will not call others at that time.
      5: As long as she believes her son will still text and phone at school she does not trust him at all. Phones are forbidden at schools normally, so he has to turn it off anyway. So where is the problem if he takes it with him? He can call her if he is late or if there is a problem. It would be a win-win situation for both...if she would only trust him.

      And what is not alright at all: the phone belongs to her and is only granted to him. If I give a present to someone, it belongs to that person. But she is such a wonderful mother to lend him the phone, veil it as a present and then has even the nerve to tell him that in case it is broken HE has to pay for it?

      The only thing her boy learns from this is that his mother does not trust him and his manners. And that the next time he won't ask for something as he will get a catalogue of rules with it.

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    2. Number 2. Yes she can have his password and no that does not mean she will actually use it. They mere idea of having access to see if the kid is doing something he shouldn't on his phone is usually deterrence enough to make him think of what he is doing and whether his mom will find out.

      Number 4. She is doing that so he understands that life does not revolve around your phone... take some time for yourself each nite... plus he needs to be doing homework/sleeping instead of staying up all night with his phone.

      Number 5. Phones are not supposed to be used during school, they are disrespectful to the teachers and other students and they can disrupt the learning that is supposed to be happening in the classroom.

      Yes he has to pay for it! So if he borrowed a car from his friend and got in an accident he does not have to pay for it because technically it was borrowed? Of course he would have to.

      None of this means the mother does not trust her son... it means she does trust him yet she knows that he is trying out new things as he grows up and she is trying to guide him. She understands that there are many things that will be "thrown" his way and he might need to know how to handle them. I commend this mother for allowing her son to grow up yet try to guide him in becoming a responsible and good mannered individual... just like any good parent should do!

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  15. My 15 year old daughter has a phone and it is subject to search without prior notification. I also check her facebook account regularly because of you idiots out there who think people like me and the mom with the iphone are overstepping our bounds. It's called love over our children that they don't become deadheads walking around glued to them. There is more to life than a stupid phone. It is a privilege not a right. If the parents are paying for it, it's their decision on the rules. If the child cannot abide by those rules, well then they don't deserve the privilege of having it. Our children will not grow up to hate or resent us. They know we are looking out for their own good and will appreciate us for it.

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    1. u are a horrible mother/parent...imagine ur neighbour checks ur mail just to assure everything is ok

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    2. I completely agree! We (you, the mom in the letter) are the parents. The kids are the kids. And yes, it is a priveledge, and the parent bought it! If the kid can afford their own phone and the contract.... nope. Still have to follow the rules!

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    3. My 15 year old daughter has a phone and I would never (NEVER!!!) search it - neither with nor without prior notification. I would never check her facebook account or other internet accounts.
      I TRUST HER. You don't trust your daughter apparently or you would not need to check her phone or her facebook account.

      I never had to tell her how to act with a phone or in the internet. I taught her manners, respect, love and responsibility and to this day I trust her and believe in her and she never dissappointed me.

      What you do is not love, it is disrespect of privacy - YES, A 15 YEAR OLD HAS A RIGHT ON PRIVACY!! And apparently you do not trust your teenager. You feel God by granting he a priviledge....which you can take away from her whenever you feel the need to do so. Apparently your daughter did not follow your rules or does not even know them, so you need to control her.
      Ask yourself who failed here!
      I feel sad for her.

      No, I am not an idiot because I think this is controlling. I had a controlling mother who read my diary (which is the same as reading text-messages) and who controlled me wherever it was possible....not because I deceived her, but because she never trusted in my abilities. When I was 19 I moved out, and for the first time in my life I experienced that I can trust my abilities.
      Go ahead, belittle your daughter, do not trust her, do not believe in her....you may get a well-behaved adult, one that is not glued to her phone especially, but you will get an adult that does not trust in her own abilities.

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    4. So you who replied negatively would not be upset with your child if they were meeting up with people you didn't approve of, or chatting with a stranger online and it ending up being some sicko bastard stalking naive young girls, etc etc because you "trust" them to make the right decisions? You my friends are the bad parents then. It is my God given duty as a mother to make sure my child is safe and it is not an invasion of privacy when she lives in my home. She knows the rules, she has agreed to the rules and doesn't not disagree to my checking in on her to make sure that I know who she is talking to etc. What would you do if your child ever decided to meet up with a "friend" and never came home? If you had no access to who they talked to and were friends with, where would you start? My daughter and I have an excellent relationship. If my "invading her privacy" was that bothersome to her, do you think she would come to be about everything? Children's "freedoms" are very limited and you are completely responsible for their actions until they become an adult. If you want your child to not have rules and boundaries, so be it, but don't you dare tell me that I am a bad parent because I do what is in my human power to make sure she is safe. Trust comes in many forms, I do trust my daughter, I don't trust her male peers. I'm not willing to put my child in harms way by turning a blind eye to the fact that the world isn't the same as it was when we were their age and all the kidnappings, rapes, and murders that go on daily in our country is proof enough for me to keep doing what I'm doing. And reading a diary is not the same as reading text messages. I trust my daughter and her abilities. Good for you for moving out to be "liberated", I was under free run of my parents house, no rules, no boundaries, and guess what, I moved out at 18 because a month after graduating high school, I got pregnant with her. My daughter plans on waiting until she is married to have sex, and has broken up with 2 boys because of them pressuring her. My parents trusted me, and I've done more things as a teenager than they would EVER even imagined could be done. My daughter has good grades, good manners, and a great heart and hasn't even tried breaking any of our rules because she knows they are in place for her safety. So if you want to call me a bad mom for looking out for my children, then just keep it to yourself because there are many a parent out there that are doing just the same. And our children will be the ones making a difference.

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    5. OMG Beagle Agent- pull your head out of your butt- you are SOOOOO naive! First- you are your child's parent- NOT HER FRIEND!! You can still trust your child and expect them to follow rules too. Yes children deserve privacy but not if it comes at the expense of their safety. Think---who are you dealing with here? TEENAGERS- and even "trusted" teens make mistakes (because they are still learning), they succumb to peer pressure/fear/intimidation- and some mistakes can take a devastating toll on their lives, ones that they can sometimes never get over....thus why they need someone looking out for them and making sure they don't do stupid stuff that will affect the rest of their lives. Its so funny- my 16 year old daughter GIVES me all her passcodes and she confides in me about everything-sometimes more than I want to know... and we are strict with her- yet she still confides in me, because she knows I have her best interests at heart and am always there to protect her-not be her friend- but be her PARENT. She shows me the Facebook pages of some girls she plays sports with, their parents are just like you Beagle Agent- they don't monitor their kids Facebook page, check their phones/texts etc.- either because they don't want to be "nosy", don't care, fear their kids won't "like" them for being, well parents. One girl has conversations with all her friends dropping sexual references on every second sentence along with the F bomb, (that'll be nice when prospective employers check out her social media sites) and another one is sending naked chest shots to a boy she likes at my daughters school- yet the parents of both girls think their Angels can be "trusted" and are of the "MY child would never do that" school of thought- HA- what a joke- and their kids know it ....Kids are just that- kids and they'll do dumb stuff for dumb reasons- that's why they need DISIPLINE and rules and parents who set good examples- like caring enough to worry more about their safety than being "liked"....

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  16. For all the responses that view this phone contract negatively you obviously don't have children.

    To the Mom who came up with this contract, you rock. Teaching kids how to be respectful of themselves and others is something not enough parents do today. Letting your teenage kid run wild with a smartphone is asking for more trouble then you can even imagine. They are teens and don't have the ability to make fully informed thought out decisions yet, their brains are still developing this ability.

    To the person who selected this SarcasticSarcasms, an interesting choice. Thought provoking, but hardly your usual fair. Kepp em coming, but don't skip the really funny stuff, it makes my day sometimes..

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    1. I have a 12 year old son who wanted me to come eat lunch with him at school for his birthday. You would not believe the crap I heard over a 40 minute period by the mouths of his peers. One had a drawing pad and drew a penis and a person with their mouth open, kids cussing like sailors, and talking about things that no 12/13 year old should really know about, let alone talk about. Now they can tell you about who's doing who, and who's got what new gadget, but I'd bet if you asked them a good history question, they'd have to google it! They were even texting back and forth between those sitting in the same groups instead of actually speaking to them, sitting right across or next to them. Un-freaking-believable!!!

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  17. If my mother was that controlling I'd leave the damn phone at home. If those are the rules, then I will not touch it, I will not use it, and she will pay for for an over glorified paperweight. This mother would not know where I am, will not be able to keep in contact with me, and I will apparently be enjoying my time smelling the flowers and watching the birds. This is wrong. Want to know why? My mother (who raised two 'well-rounded' children) trusts us. She taught us what she had to teach us, and she let us GROW by ourselves! OH, and she also thinks that this entire post just goes to prove that young parents nowadays are utter retards who need to understand that they don't need to coddle their children. The people who agree with this post: Yeah, you're parenting skills are horrendous. Stop reading books about it.

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    1. You are hilarious! First of all... we do not read books on parenting... we live through it. I did not have a cellphone growing up and my mother raised "well-rounded" individuals that had rules as well yet I understand that with today's technology inappropriate pictures/texts are more prevalent and easily disseminated. I never had to worry about what to do if I received inappropriate pictures and text messages. "Young parents" as you put it, understand this as well. Trying to guide our children with the things they might face is not coddling them... it is guiding them. I wholeheartedly agree with this mother. My parents had access to any and all of my things... they trusted me and did not look through anything because I never gave them reason to. Yet I knew that they could if they chose to.

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    2. But they didn't, and that, right there, is the difference.

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    3. Very well said. Exactly my thoughts!

      Kudos to this especially: "My mother (who raised two 'well-rounded' children) trusts us. She taught us what she had to teach us, and she let us GROW by ourselves!"
      Your mother like my mother did it right...and that is how I do it with my child. And I don't like to be called a bad parent because I don't agree with this post and think the woman is controlling and does not trust her child.

      Thanks!

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    4. I plan to do the same with my kids when I get them cellphones. I will require to know their passwords but it does not mean I will go in their cellphone. Unless they give me reason to I will respect their privacy.

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    5. My kids are well behaved (I have 5) they know their boundaries and have respect for me enough. My eldest is 13 years old. I allowed him to have a mobile phone on the condition that he save his pocket money to buy it. The next condition was that he use his pocket money to insure it. I think I have taught him well in respect of saving to get what he wants and working to earn his savings. Valuable life lessons I think, he knows he cannot get things for free in this life, he has to show some effort. I would not dream of abusing the trust I place in him by asking him to basically hand over all of his privacy to me. That does not show him respect for others, it only shows him fear for what I might do if he fails me. I could not disagree with this woman more if I tried! As for calling people bad parents for disagreeing, how would you know? Because I choose to show my child respect and trust does not make me a bad parent, it makes me mindful of the adults I will eventually raise. I believe in discipline for children and on some things I am strict but I am not raising robots, I want them to think for themselves and to learn from their mistakes. If I have an issue with them I will raise it face to face and show them by example. Technology is a part of our every day lives now, we cannot control every aspect of it.

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    6. to the poster who's mom raised "two well rounded kids" and thinks today parents "coddle" their kids- tell Grandma (cause that's what she is) that back in the Good Ole Days (i.e. when you her child were little) that she, the parent, didn't have to worry about Sexting, Cyber bullying, Internet luring etc etc. There is a saying- better safe than sorry- my job as a parent is to keep my child safe and if checking their text messages and Facebook account every once and a while on the phone and computer THAT I PAY FOR helps me make sure they are keeping things CLEAN then so be it- if they don't like they don't have to have the phone or the computer and then they can have all the privacy they want....

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    7. I completely agree to the original poster. Oh, and I also received my first phone when I was 13. My parents never asked me for my password, and the only bit of advice was 'don't do anything stupid'. I didn't. My parents outright refuse to have me on facebook. THEY refuse to have ME. They taught me values, they didn't stick a leash on me and force feed me. Did I turn out alright? I'd like to think so, for one I'm definitely independent enough to think for myself and make decisions for myself and take care of myself and all the little hiccups that my life has thrown in my way. And I find the 'I paid for it' excuse bull. If that was thrown in my face I drop it and work to get my own. I hate feeling like I owe anyone anything. Getting that feeling from my parents is even worse! Oh, yeah, kids - guess what you silly brats, all of your stuff is mine because I paid for it so you better respect it. You don't own a thing until you get it for yourself. So much for sharing is caring and birthdays are awesome!

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  18. I'm a parent of two children and I think this is horrible invasion of privacy... how the hell is he supposed to use the phone correctly if you can't even bring anywhere. where I agree with some of her rules most of her rules are super controlling condescending and make child feel like she doesn't trust him.... if I was at child I would hand write back to her and tell her that I didn't even want it. I'm a very strict parent and I still think this is a little overboard. if you feel as if your child cannot control themselves why even get them a phone that has the capability of sending pictures or the Internet why not just get him a phone they called In and out..... after he's mastered just being able to call in and out and you feel is if you can trust him to have text messaging... move up text messaging and then eventually to internet capabilities and why give a child sit in expensive gift that's just stupid on your part an Android phone does the same damn thing.

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  19. mom is justifying herself to the other moms by giving her child the latest toy but is scared that he is not mature enough to use it wisely he is after all a 13 year old boy ,little more than an animal in terms of social development and could easily cause great harm to himself and others with his new toy,We hear many tales of feral children who disrupt the lives of others including family because they have not been subject to rules and resent them when as adults the eventually encounter them.

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  20. I am teacher of 13 year olds and just dealt with the private pictures. That kid took a picture of his giggleberries and now they are on the net. He is upset because he "didn't know." I give this mom great credit and she is an asset to this world.

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  21. Wow what an awesome mother. It seems like a lot of rules but, a lot of it is common sense stuff. In the end, it will teach her son discipline and responsibility. It should also teach him how to take care of his personal belongings. Yeah, it seems like the mom is being hard on her 13 yr old son but, he is only 13. So yeah, Kudos mom...you deserve the mom of the year award.

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  22. As a young mom with a 9 year old daughter, this is EXACTLY what I would set for my own daughter down the road when our time comes. There is nothing wrong with her rules...most are common sense and common courtesy. Good for her for setting some boundaries...that's called PARENTING!!! Once a grown adult...then can do what they please on their phones!!!

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  23. some of these rules make sense. some of the rules are just a bit idiotic, like not taking too many pictures. there are rules that show she doesn't trust her kid at all.

    when i was 13, my parents understood that i'd be prone to doing idiotic sh*t. at 13, you're naturally more prone to dumbass decisions then most adults. my parents at least had to make the concious decision to either give me a chance to prove myself or to keep me on a very short leash.

    i was given the chance to fuck up a bit. my old man would always state that you'll never learn a damned thing if you aren't given the chance to mess up once in awhile.

    when i was responsible enough to have certain things in my life, the parents obviously gave me certain warnings that just come standard. get a driver's license? i'd hear normal stuff like "don't drive like a damned fool" or "keep your eyes on the road and not what your passengers are doing". if weather isn't looking all that good, i'd be given certain advice to keep myself from having problems. they wouldn't get anal with me on every little thing, knowing i'd have to learn a few things through experience.


    i think the mother in this case gave some solid advice, like the sexting part. that sorta thing can really mess with you for years. i can understand telling the kid to turn the phone off while at a theater or restaurant. nobody likes having their time interrupted because a jerk wants to be on the phone the whole time.


    if you have to go so far as always knowing the password, that just shows you have no faith in your kid at all. if you have to turn your phone over at a specific time, no matter what, again....that shows that you have no faith in your kid.

    again, i state that i was 13 at one point of my life. i was lucky enough that my parents gave me the chance to prove myself. can't prove yourself trustworthy if nobody gives you the chance. if you screw up, then i can understand making/adding some ground rules.

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  24. Too bad there are not more parents like this mom. There would be a lot less ill manered children in the world.

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  25. What a joke. You know how a child learns? They learn by experiencing things on their own with advice from the parents. Before anyone asks if I am a parent... Yep and my children are well behaved and responsible because they respect me and my advice. There are a few rules here I agree with of course. No private part pics and that if I pay for it you have to respect certain usage terms but the rest is just a person trying to control and determine the beliefs of an individual. You are the parent but that doesn't mean you have the right to force a child to your views. If my child wants to listen to pop music, rap or even Frank Sinatra that's actually none of my business. You have taken all the fun out of owning the technology and you know what? Teaching your child to 'forget' their phone at home is dangerous and against the whole idea of giving them one. The main purpose my child has a cell phone is for safety and enjoyment not for control. How would you like it if you went to buy a car but they say you can't use it to do your groceries, you can't pick up your friends or use it at night? I'm not saying children should have a million rights because its true they can't understand the implications of all their decisions but if you can't trust them... don't buy them an Iphone. Anyway I just thought this was ridiculous and I do think it is wrong to impose yourself on your children in such a way. How will your child know to make their own proper decisions if you dictate everything to them like this? My mom never did such things to me, she just talked to me and helped me understand things without 'contracts. I'm just thinking you either don't have trust in the kid or you have no rapport with them.

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